Key Takeaways: How far is too far?
Vitals:
Name: Billy [Joel] because he is the Piano Man. He owns a real piano. Not a keyboard. A piano
Length of date: 2 hours
How the date was obtained: he requested it!
Where: Papa Haydn in Portland, OR
Yes, this is Date a Week LA. Yes, I went on a date in Portland, OR. Am I ashamed? No. Let’s just think of Portland as the LA of Oregon. Is everyone okay with that? Yes? Okay, good.
I was in Portland last weekend celebrating my grandma’s birthday. She is a queen and I would not miss her b-day bash at the Chart House for anything. So, I decided that while I was celebrating her highness in Portland, I would also go on a date.
I reached out to the first person who had expressed interest in going on a date with me (since the inception of Date a Week LA) to see if he was available. He said “yes” and I was quite excited. If I’m being totally frank, I’ve always held a special place in my heart for this fella. We went to grade school together and slow danced to Beyoncé’s (the other queen) “Halo” at 8th grade Winter Formal. Needless to say, I was excited to see if he carried a little torch for me too… He ended up canceling on me over the weekend, twice.
I was disappointed but was not going to let it get me down. So, I texted another who said he would even fly down to LA to go on a date with me! He said “yes” and didn’t cancel! Although later, he expressed that he was at first confused that we would be going on a date in Portland. I told him, “I make the rules around here, buddy.”
Billy suggested that we meet at Papa Haydn, which happens to be my favorite dessert restaurant of all time. Billy was there 10 minutes early! Timely guy! When I got there, I was so excited to see him. The last time I saw him was when he came to see me (and many others) in Shrek the Musical at our high school. I was a top hat-wearing dancing rat. So, the last time Billy saw me was when I was a literal rat and he still wanted to go on a date with me!
When we sat down, we didn’t need to look at the menu. I ordered the Boccone Dulce, which the restaurant describes as a “French meringues drizzled with semi-sweet chocolate, with whipped cream and fresh seasonal fruit” and what I describe as “the best freaking dessert of your freaking life.” This is the only dessert where I gladly allow lactose intolerance related pain to destroy my body. Billy ordered a sugar cookie and salted caramel ice cream. He was pushing the culinary envelope.
It was so fun to catch up with Billy. I had changed a lot from my dancing rat days and so had he. He recently left a job where he had to travel Monday through Thursday and he said he was excited to stay put for a while.
As he was saying that, I was putting the pieces together: LA is where I live and Portland is where he lives and he doesn’t like to travel. Call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem like a recipe for a good relationship. (Speaking of recipes - if anyone knows the recipe for Boccone Dulce, I will name my firstborn after you).
We also got on the topic of our favorite shows/comedy specials. I gave him my top 6 shows of all time. I have listed them below. If you have not seen all of these, please stop what you’re doing immediately and watch them. It will be an excellent use of your time.
Veep
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Bo Burnam’s Make Happy
Righteous Gemstones
Hannah Gatsby’s Nannette
Nathan for You
Billy had seemed to be one of the best fits for me so far. He is incredibly smart, compassionate, kind, and a lot of our values line up. He is just more my speed than some of the LA men I’ve met. But, I live in LA and I’m going to be here for a while and it seems illogical to start out a relationship when we’re 1,000 miles away from each other.
Cue Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies”
Overall Experience:
The future for us… As Billy Joel would sing, “We Didn’t Start the Fire…”
Next Week: a blind date with an actor set up by a mutual friend!
Real imagine of me as a dancing rat. Enjoy.
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